See, Positivity Works

So long Kwame. I wrote fondly of you not three weeks ago. Then you went ahead and stunk it up so horribly that it was impossible to defend you. I still believe you have value, and if you want to come back to the Lakers next year and take, hmm, maybe a ¼ of what you made this year, then we would love to have you back. I still believe in your ability to play great, grounded defense. I still believe in that body, if not for those small hands. You could still help us win a championship. So don’t take this trade too hard. And try and forget those boo birds, though I’m sure you will one day when you are 75 years old, suddenly sit up in your bed covered in sweat, waking from a dream where you are still missing layups, still dropping easy passes, and hear the deafening echoes of screaming from the crowds, your home crowd, as they tear you a new one. But try to forget. 

On the same note, farewell Javaris Crittenton—you whom we barely knew. You who could one day become a great player in this league. You showed flashes of excellence and wowed us with your quickness, agility and knack for scoring. Again, nothing personal, but we want a championship now and can’t wait for 2-3 years of development. You’ll get more of a chance to shine in Memphis anyway—kick Conley’s ass for us will you? We know you can win the starting spot there.

Buh-bye Aaron Mckie. Yeah, you were actually here at one point?

See you later Gasol Jr., 2008 and 2010 picks—you whom we never knew. Who knows or even gives a crap at this moment about you. What we don’t know, can’t hurt us.

Hello Pau. Hi Pau. What up Pau? You who my cousin and I drafted with our second pick. You with the current back problems and lackluster year. You with the down numbers and missed games.

Welcome to Lakerland. Welcome to the home of Bryant and Bynum, of underachieving talent (Odom, Vlad and Walton), of gutsy, gritty point guards (Fish and Farmar) and of the most impatient and spoiled fan base in the whole league. We welcome you with open arms, and believe that you, not J Kidd (who we might still be able to get by the way) are ours and Kobe’s ticket to another championship. NO worries that you haven’t won a single playoff game. No worries that you have a gimpy back you’ve been battling all season. No worries about the potential problems Bynum and you sharing the low post scoring may at one point in time present.

No worries. Only positivy.

We welcome your 19 and 9 and 3 assists. We welcome your shot blocking ability and willingness to share the ball. We salivate over your post presence and your midrange game. We remember the rookie of the year award. We remember your world championship MVP. We remember that you have consistently, for the past 6 years, held a PER above 20. And we remember that you are only 27.

So when Bynum comes back and you take more of the high post and he the low post, what a formidable team this will be.

Go Lakers!