Fantasy Football Mid-Season Post

(Repost from another place in December)

Fantasy Football.

I like it. I play it. I read Matthew Berry's columns. This is my ode to him while trashing the guys in my league. Enjoy.

I got stories about crazy girlfriends too, but I'm going to keep those to my self. Let's get to the picks. I didn't get any letters in the mailbag, so we've got nothin but picks this week (surprise)!

Remember, those I love are teams I feel will make the playoffs. Those I hate, well, they better start building next year's war room (although they can still play spoiler). I used to say no obvious names, but if I would have told you Rico would make the playoffs, you would have agreed, and you also would have been wrong.

Team Lynch: Already in so I hafta love 'em. I have to hate on this team though because I've been chasing the bastard all year in the standings and in points. Romo has been unstoppable (15 point low game and that wasn't even the one he threw five pics in!), and what a trade to dump Ocho n little Julius for Tori (I think he only went after him because of the name) and the fatman with an e-z schedule. His method of choosing waiver wire defenses out of a hat each sunday at 10:55 has been unstoppable (99 points over the last five weeks).

Uncle Rico: Hate 'em when they're out! Second to last in the league, his players just didn't perform (see VY). Even the number one TE and the number 5 RB didn't manage 27 points week 6. Poor decision making in the WR area cost a win against the Entourage of his little bro and sent him to the wolves for the last weeks of the season. A nice sports cliche here would be 'he left it all on the field,' but more appropriate would be 'he left it all on the bench.'

Bookies Entourage: Love 'em when they choose they're own adventure (like the books we all used to love!). The number 4 team in the league might have just finished finals, but he's still in panic mode. With three teams on his heels, the early-season favorite has to win now or suffer one of the worst collapses in MDGL history. WR & TE carousel has been an issue, but LT n the sharp mr. brady have carried the team this far, and I think this two-headed monster (picture two giant heads on a baby body) gets in.

Team Gamradt: Hate 'em when they finally figure it out too late! Quarterback issues (would you want Bulger, ELI, or Warner? didn't think so!) and the myth of Laurence Maroney cost this middle of the pack team a lot of wins, but solid RBs kept 'em alive this long. The problem for Sugar-Shane isn't his team, it's his not-so-sugar schedule the remaining weeks of the season.

Team Fasula: Love 'em when they start slow and gimp in! A 3-5 limp from the starting line doesn't cost this team the dream. The top running back tandem in the MDGL will barely save Fasula against his remaining schedule. It doesn't take a CPA to figure out any team that drops a starting running back week 13 (even if you have studs) might be managed by tom caughlin or maybe gibbs (what rules?).

Team Bailey: Love 'em when they're solid and already in (although hearing them tell you that definitely makes you hate 'em too!). The top team in the league overcame an average 3-2 start and went on a six-game tear. Has beaten all the top teams with Moss living a dream. The surprising Jamal Lewis (and Chester Taylor for that matter) have finally got Bailey to give up the LJ fantasy at the detriment to the rest of the league. A cakewalk final month of the season will have this team's chest pushed out and grin shit-eatin into the playoffs.

69ers: Love 'em when they make it by a cunt hair. The surprising Wesly Welker and Hasselbeck kept this streaky team going while Gore figured out how to run again. This team is the epitome of a crappy bench, so the manager can even set his lineup with a face full of sloppy seconds. He'll win out, barely.

Hookers and Blow: Hate 'em when they try too hard, talk too much, and just plain stink. The league's worst team blew his load on draft day and then couldn't get it up the whole season. Blow to Marvin's knee sealed the deal, while three trades and 27 acquisitions couldn't save this sinking ship. Might as well call up the mascots.

Mile High Thrill: Hate 'em when they crash in the first turn. Three wins to open, then the Thrill was gone (magically losing four straight). Big injury to his HOMME really had the owner set trippin yo, and Shaun Alexander? WHACK as fuck! A half solid squad (TO, Folk, Witten) can't save this team from elimination against a brutal final schedule.

Seattle Smokers: Already in. Love 'em when they prove you wrong. A 1-2 start and an unorthodox draft had this team going down in flames, but the waiver wire was all too kind (Watson, Keith, Ward, Engram). Scrapped it out despite major injuries in the RB n WR department. Blazing victory bowls might have the owner hallucinating, but he still won't win the points trophy.

Hi Performance Helicopters: Love 'em when they turn it on. Most helicopters are crashed over and over during testing, so it's no surprise these ones got off to a god-awful start (2-9). Once tested, however the hi-performance part kicks in and the choppers win 2 of 3 to unbelievably reach the post-season with Manning in their pocket.

D-Nasty Darko: Love 'em when they back it up. Consistent trash talking is worthless when you don't produce (see HOOKERS above), but it's the sweetness when you win. Fargas and Grant? Never heard of em, but damn they hooked this team up, not to mention Carson to TJ wasn't a bad tandem. Thump the Thrill and Rattle the Rico and they're in.